One year ago yesterday I started my first full time position after graduating school. We packed up my row home, said goodbye to Baltimore friends, and headed to Wisconsin for a quick unpack/repack and family time. Less than a week after graduating, we repacked the truck and headed south for our new life in Dallas Texas!
The year has been up, down, and crazy. It has been difficult to adjust to our new lives. Over the weekend we had a plan to celebrate our year in Dallas by heading to Big Bend for some Texas landscapes and hiking. Plans were changed due to Young Chan getting food poisoning, however we still had a really great weekend at home reflecting on our year and what it has brought us! We have changed for the better with what Dallas, and this move has brought to the table. Young and I have learned how to survive without family or very many friends, in a whole new place, with new opportunities. We have grown closer and more in tune with the kind of people we want to be.
Speaking of the kind of people we want to be….. I have found a new way of making. Making, an old friend I long left in Baltimore has come back to visit recently. Hopfully "making" will stay with me as a part of a new routine that used to be my 24/7! This is who I am, and exactly who I want to be…. an artist, here to stay!
For the last couple weeks I have been honing in on child-like making. I have been whipping out drawing after drawing and painting after painting, without much thought or care on the end result. I have been going through the motions to get myself back into the feel of making work because I like to. This weekend/week I have changed my way of working just a bit!
I have been painting via assembly line! This is a breath of fresh air from what I am used to and very fun! I still have a care free attitude with these works, but I get to pay a little more attention to detail than I was when painting with a child-like mindset. I mix a couple colors and place the first layer, then I work on the second layer, then third, so on so on. I keep refreshing my eyes every so often with a new piece (different marks, size, color, texture, feeling, emotion) but still have the end goal of finishing that layer at the same time as the other paintings. This way, I am on the same layer for all the paintings, but a different point in progress. Currently I have six or seven layers on each one and a couple of them are looking close to being finished. Others look like they have just been started.
While I am still working on the 100 day project, I have modified the rules a bit to work in favor of my new idea for how to make! I may not be completing a work everyday, but I sure as hell am working on them everyday!
Reflecting on my work, I hope to feel more confident. With these most recent pieces I have felt a little scared to mess up. But why? Why the hell would that make me so afraid? If I mess up who will know? I don't have a critique, a deadline, or a client. So I ask myself where these feelings come from and why do they exist in this space I have created for myself to relax and have fun with my hobby. I want confidence, that every mark I make will work. If it doesn't, who cares! I can fix it. I want to be less afraid of mistakes and more open to accept the mistakes and hone in on them in each painting.
Here is a look at the last set I made (child-like era). I think I'm going to need a board or something to hang the work up and reflect on it. Garment pins and this nasty textured apartment wall is killing my flow!
Cheers to many more years in Texas! Cheers to making!